D:
January 15, 2010
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Tragedy
Today when I went to get some ice cream, man jumped out of his car and as I was enjoying my scoop of strawberry and whipped out two guns. He started shooting like mad, shouting about how he was the “Great Decider.” One bullet hit my hand, and I watched as my ice cream fell to the ground. I tried to reach for it, but another bullet shot into my leg. I lay there, just out of reach, watching the once cherished treat get coated in ants. A tear fell from my eyes when I saw chunks of brain matter land into the gooey mess. He had fired a shot into his head. Using my good arm, I dragged myself into the store and forced myself to stand at the counter. “He’s gone everyone!” I proclaimed. “It’s over…But I need another scoop of strawberry, as I unfortunately dropped mine in all the ruckus.” That was a damn good ice cream cone. The tragedy: I couldn’t finish that one either, because the paramedics wouldn’t let me eat in the ambulance. I blame Obama.
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"Damn kid stole my jersey…"
- Mean Joe Green
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Wrist Pains
Wrist was hurting today, so I figured I’d take a look. Saw a bunch of spider eggs in there. They started hatching by the time I passed out from blood loss. Looking back, I could have probably planned that whole situation out a lot better.
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Ducks don’t give a fuck!
January 14, 2010
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Frozen
Waist down trapped in a cube of ice. Anyone got a hairdryer?
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"It’s just a modest proposal!"
- Jonathan Swift
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Shipwrecked
I’m shipwrecked on an island of cannibals. It’s cool, they gave me a nice meal. I think they called it a special form of veal.
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NSFW
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BEWARE
A bear has been found wandering the forest of the internet. Politicians have been reported missing hands while reaching through to fondle underage children. Warn your children.
